Metaphorical sticks and dirt
by Ianto'sCoffeeMinion
Summary: Starts half way through an IM conversation between Tosh and Ianto, Jack and Owen secide to intercept and it progresses from there. Its quite short and theres definatey Janto and mentions of Towen. Enjoy! Authors note: I have no idea why Owen's on-screen name isnt showing, but for those of you interested its Mr sex ;)


…

**CoffeeSlave: **There weren't that many!

**Techy: **You liar! You were beating them off with a stick!

** : **Oh so someone finally removed the stick from your arse then?

**El_Capitan: **That would be me ;) I replaced it with my very own ;)

**CoffeeSlave: **JACK!?

**Techy: **Jack!

** : **You are sick mate. Sick.

**El_Capitan: **What? It's true ;)

**CoffeeSlave: **It is not!

** : **Some things you should keep to yourself for the sake of scarring all our minds!

**El_Capitan: **My angry sex senses are tingling…

**CoffeeSlave: **They'll be none of that in the work place, sir.

** : **Come off it Ianto. Everyone knows your shagging the boss! It's the worst kept secret since Jack's whiskey stash in the hothouse.

**Techy: **Mmm…that's true.

**El_Capitan: **You know about that!?

** : **Yes!

**Techy: **Yup!

**El_Capitan: **Who told you…was it Ianto? It was Ianto weren't it?

**CoffeeSlave: **Maybe ;)

**El_Capitan **is _offline._

** : **Where's he gone?

**Techy:** Beats me…

**CoffeeSlave: **He's probably gone to find another hiding place for his 'secret stash'; which he won't be telling me where it is by the way! I hope your all happy now!

** : **It was an emergency!

**Techy:** I'm sure you can persuade him somehow ;)

**CoffeeSlave: **King of the persuasion I am!

** : '**Couse mate, 'course…

**CoffeeSlave: **I am! Tosh, back me up will you.

**Techy:** What Ianto said!

**CoffeeSlave: **Thanks for that…

** : **Very convincing…

**Techy:** I was put on the spot! Anyway, you're not mean to be in this conversation in the first place. Me and Ianto were just catching up before you two barged in!

** : **Well that ain't fair.

**El_Capitan** is _online._

**El_Capitan: **I wouldn't say barged…more entered like ninjas at the right moment ;)

**CoffeeSlave: **That's the definition of barged. And sir, you don't have a ninja-like bone in your body…

**El_Capitan: **True, but I do have another type of bone that is much more useful ;)

** : **Here we go…

**Techy:** :/

**CoffeeSlave: ***Rolls Eyes*

** : **So who was Tea-boy beating off with a stick?

**CoffeeSlave: **A metaphorical stick. And it's IANTO! You know, two syllables, I'm sure even you can manage that…

**Techy:** Lots and lots of young, attractive, very friendly men. They were buying him drinks all night, which was funny when he went and thanked them all! Hahahaha!

**CoffeeSlave: **Well I couldn't be rude!

**El_Capitan: **Men! What men!? Where?

** : **Bit slow on the ball there Jack.

**El_Capitan: **Oh, I'm never slow on the balls…You can ask Ianto about that ;)

**Techy:** Anyyyywayyyy…

**El_Capitan:** Yes Ianto, about these men of yours? They part of your coffee cult?...i thought I was the only member ;)

**CoffeeSlave: **No sir, I don't even remember them so can we change the subject please? And you know you're the only valued member ;)

**Techy:** You weren't that drunk!

** : **Tea-boy drunk? Pull the other one!

**El_Capitan:** Oh hes a great drunk…very touchey feeley if I remember correctly ;)

**CoffeeSlave: **Was not! Even if I were, I still was in control!

**El_Capitan:** Believe me…you were…mmmmm

** : **Alright you two, that's enough testosterone to power the hub!

**Techy:** Actually that isn't a entirely correct analysis.

** : **It was a joke Tosh…

**Techy:** Yes of course, I apologise.

**El_Capitan:** Well me and Ianto will leave you two love birds too it, we have some naked men to discuss, followed by a round of naked hide and seek before another round of orgasmic coffee.

**CoffeeSlave: **Thanks for that Jack…subtle.

** : **Eurgggghhh! Im metally scared now…thanks! Ill be sending the councillors bills to you Harkness!

**El_Capitan:** Why me!? Its Ianto as well! Plus you'd never go to a councillor Owen…

** : **Your right, all they do is talk bloody bollox.

**CoffeeSlave: **One word…DECAF!

**El_Capitan:** You wouldn't!

**CoffeeSlave: **Try me…

**El_Capitan:** Oh I have…what a mind-blowing experience that was ;)

**Techy:** OKayyyy boys! Work time!

**El_Capitan:** Oh yeah, I almost forgot ;) coming Ianto…well of course your coming…what am I saying ;)

**CoffeeSlave: **Its like living in a very badly written porno…

** : **Porn has storylines!? Well, you learn something new every-day…

**Techy:** Isnt the whole set up of a woman dressed/acting as a maid a storyline?

**El_Capitan: **Tosh!? You watch porn!?

** : **Well that interesting…

**Techy:** No! I mean, well once but that was with some friends for a laugh!

**El_Capitan:** Did you get off?

**CoffeeSlave: **Jack you can't ask that!

**El_Capitan:** What friends were these then? Id like to meet them sometime ;)

** : **Yeah, and how come I don't know about them?

**Techy:** It wasn't friends, technically, just one friend…

**CoffeeSlave: **I think we better be going now don't you Jack?

** : **Dirty, dirty, dirty tea-boy corrupting Tosh!

**El_Capitan:** You couldn't have made that any more obvious if you tried Ianto! Hahahah!

**CoffeeSlave: **Porn is a very natural thing…

** : **Just like wanking…or having sex.

**El_Capitan:** I second that opinion, say, Ianto, you mind showing me what you've learnt? Next time you and Tosh decide to watch explicit content, please notify me first so I can watch to!

**CoffeeSlave: **Very ellequent Captain.

**El_Capitan:** Why thank you !

**CoffeeSlave: **Signing off now, bye!

**El_Capitan:** Same here! Bye kidz!

**CoffeeSlave offline.**

**El_Capitan offline.**

**Techy:** Do you think they know about us?

** : **I doubt they notice anything apart from each-others assets!

**Techy:** True, fancy going out to grab lunch?

** : **Don't mind if I do ;)

**Techy offline.**

** offline.**


End file.
